And no matter how horney I might be, I doubt a one-night-stand (or a one-month-stand) will do anything to help. It's easier when I'm in a relationship, but with my life all topsy-turvey I'm not sure I'm in the best place to find someone. I'm so tired of it, but don't have one-frickin-clue of how I'm to correct this. Tired of feeling like this when I think of girlfriends from time goes by. Not sure why, but I bogged myself down into living in the past again looking up exs from years gone by and now I'm feeling a bit melancholy. Thanks go out to all my friends that helped me get home and were concerned about me during this time. My sister is currently working on sorting though mom's stuff at her apartment. My brother had to leave today to go pick up his step-daughter from a state over and make the trip back to Georgia. I don't want to bury anyone else just yet. I'm concerned and part of that is a selfish concern. He's buried his father, mother, and now older sister. We had our calling hours, our wake and now my mom is buried close to her father whom she loved greatly. My brother, whom I haven't seen in over 10 years, made a long trip up from Georgia with his family to be here. When I got here on Tuesday everything was arranged. I was lucky that the Navy allowed me to come home. She kept this, like most other things, secret from everyone. I later found out that she had both breast and lung cancer, seperately, but one or both and matastized to her bones. I guess that no matter what wrong she did or how much it hurt, the truth was that she was still my mom and her death affected me. I mourned, moreso than I thought I would have. I thought that I was ok with that and managed to build up a bubble of anger and resentment towards what she did to us that I thought would insulate me when a time like this would come. She had some pretty bad issues that drove me and my siblings away. Now, for those that don't know me, I didn't have the best relationship with my mother. My carrier was off the coast of the Phillipines at the time.
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